Let's Do It...

     SHE decided to let this last little dispute about me taking the better job last for about two months.  Why waste time on stupid, insignificant stuff?  I tried not to get too upset about it and let HER vent.  Sometimes YOU need to vent and I understand that.  I'm sure I will need that favor one day, hopefully SHE realizes that and is fair.  I feel, that in relationships, the little things such as this or HER downing me when i was sick, can be overlooked for the greater good.  She was upset because HER feelings got hurt; I get it.  CHEATING and such will destroy everything and if things continue after cheating something very bad will result.  No trust equals no relationship!  It will happen again.  So I bit my tongue because I knew things were difficult for the both of us and we don't always act as we should under that kind of pressure.  It's very important to understand how to argue even more important to know how to resolve an argument.  SHE finally came around to having our normal, playful conversations.  One day when we are both dead, SHE is going to want those months back.  I don't know how SHE felt but I wanted HER bad; still do.  We had phone play and it was awesome; it always is.  What a way to be there when you can't be there.  It's nice to be that turned on by that special somebody.  We should meet soon!  Man, our first in the flesh, lips to lips, hugging, touching and sexing and laughing and yessss.  I can't believe I am going to be face to face with my sexy lover, friend after three years of amazing.  I'm going to set it up.  Let's finally meet PRINCESS...

Up Up And Away...

     The worst thing anyone can do is take away YOUR happily ever after.  Especially when that person is SUPPOSED to love YOU.  I think it's dishonest not to express YOUR true feelings.  Can I get mad?  Of course I can get mad.  EVERYBODY gets mad.  If there's a person that you know that doesn't get mad, then YOU better drop them off with military officials so they can determine what other species they are.  I'm passionate about all of the important things in life.   It's definitely a plus and not a negative. If I love you, then I love YOU completely.  You will feel like the most special woman in the world.  I don't have time for ignorant cheating or looking.  If I choose you, then that means I want YOU.  It takes a lot to get me angry.  An example of things that are sure to boil me over is when there is a major lie.  Let me explain.  A major lie is a lie that has a direct effect on health, head or heart.  Lying about what color that YOU wore doesn't get me upset.  However, telling me that you were with your girlfriends and I find out that you were hanging out with a dude will do it.  Anyway, I came back from my interview and decided to take the new job.  It's more important for me to get established smoothly and I needed the relocation pay in order to do that effectively.  Not to mention that there will be a lot of opportunities because it's a growing company.  How do I tell HER?  Because, as much as SHE tries to act like SHE doesn't do the things SHE chastises me about, SHE can get mad and offensive and all that not so good stuff.  I guess I will just tell HER.  SHE has got to understand that it's not personal because it is not personal.  If you ever get a chance to know me, you will figure out soon that I am as honest as they come.  When I told HER that I decided to take the other job I made sure that I explained careful why.  SHE wasn't having it or hearing it.  SHE want to argue and go off on me.  I'm trying to do what's best and SHE decided to be very selfish and very cold.  SHE told me that it was stupid to change my mind at the last minute and that because I chose this job, we would never see each other and oh well.  What?  I expected HER to be happy for me and be adaptable because SHE said that SHE loved me.  I had every intention to come see HER just as soon as I could.  This really broke my heart.  I expected much more from HER but it didn' make me change my opinion of HER or condemn HER for HER actions.  I truly did get over this but, like I said, it hurt me pretty bad.  It took the wind right out of my sails.  I understand that people can let emotions get the better of them sometimes so I didn't dwell on it.  I just hopes SHE comes to HER senses and realizes that SHE was wrong.  SHE will be wrong again I am sure and so will I but if you love each other, this little stuff can be overlooked.  Just for your information, it wasn't the first time SHE overreacted and I know it won't be the last.  Conversations were a little rough during this time because SHE holds on to things way to long and when SHE says SHE'S over it, be ready to hear about it a few more times.  Even knowing all of that, I don't condemn HER.  In relationships, you have to see both sides clearly before YOU do something drastic.  There are some things that unforgivable like cheating and physical violence.  So I told my doctor and he said it was okay for me to leave early.  Thank GOD!  So now I am on my way to a new place on a new adventure and the woman that I love is not supporting me...

Damned If I do...

     The job that was within miles of HER came through.  They hired me and wanted me to start in several weeks.  All I had to do is get the okay from my doctor and I was golden.  During my next doctors appointment, he actually told me that he wanted me to stay in treatment for a couple of more weeks just as a precaution and he had no data stating that I must stay.  However, he said that if I acquired employment before his tentative date, then he would release me from treatment. COOL!  I thought that was very fair.  So I talked to HER about me getting the job and told HER what my start date would be.  SHE was really excited and so was I.  I am going to see my PRINCESS and pretty frequently.  I started getting in the mind frame of accepting my new job.  Then, I got an email from this other job.  They were a newer company with every benefit that I needed.  They also offered relocation money and the pay was great.  Another benefit they had over the job I was going to accept was the fact that it was a permanent job instead of a one year contract and let's see what happens kind of deal.  I guess it wouldn't hurt to see what they had to offer.  This new job said they would fly me out for an interview too.  What harm would that do?  I will just schedule it before I am supposed to leave.  I mean isn't that the smart thing to do?  I wanted to maximize my earning potential and maximize my benefits.  So I scheduled an interview the week before I was supposed to start work.  SHE wasn't thrilled about it but I have to do what's best for me, for us even.  My goal is to move closer to HER and I had told HER that regardless.  All I want is happily ever after with HER.  There are so many thing that I absolutely adore about HER.  He doesn't deserve HER because he doesn't respect HER nor does he love HER like a man loves and adores his wife.  SHE deserves that and I am certain SHE knows that I can give it to HER.  Well I got to catch a plane.  So I am going to fly out for an interview.  Over the phone, everything sounded great and if this company can deliver like advertised, then I would be a fool not to accept employment.  But, at the same time, I want to be closer to HER.  I hope SHE can support me no matter what I decide.  I have got to choose wisely.  I flew out and met my potential boss.  He seemed very knowledgeable and very trustworthy at the first impression.  i also found out that not only will I get more than enough for relocation, they will also provide FREE temporary housing for a month. Oh man I am torn.  I love HER so much and want HER so much.  But this is such a great opportunity.  I don't know if I can pass it up and I don't know how SHE will respond if I decide to take this job instead...

Round And Round We Go...

     I still heard no word on a divorce.  SHE seriously couldn't be considering staying with this guy that his mom should have swallowed instead if you know what I mean?  he pulled off very dirty and underhanded lies, truth be told, for probably half their marriage.  I was under the impression that SHE had more self-respect, pride and love for HERSELF than that.  However, I didn't express my feelings.  I don't care if this loser bought HER a diamond for every day of their marriage, enough is enough.  What he did cannot be repaired let alone repaired with money.  Especially when he jeopardized HER health by playing Russian roulette with sexually transmitted diseases or STD's.  I'm sure this sex maniac used a condom every single time he dipped his cock in all of those skanks.  Yeah right.  I know SHE had some financial concerns in the event of divorce but that's what a good divorce lawyer is for.  SHE would not suffer financially nor will SHE have to worry about medical insurance.  My job hunt continued in the midst of all of this.  My first job offer came in but I would have to relocate and provide my own tools.  I really wanted to take that job because the location was perfect and the pay was excellent.  But, those start up expenses were just a little too much for me to feel comfortable.  I had to decline.  It could wind up being a big mistake because there's no guarantee I will get another offer.  I'm confident in my abilities and experience but nothings 100 percent.  About a week after I turned down that first offer, another one came.  This one had great pay and was only several hours away from my PRINCESS.  How cool!  That would mean a weekend trip would be easy and we should be able to see each other regularly.  I told HER the news and SHE was very excited.  SHE calculated the driving distance and started talking about making trips out to see me.  Now this job didn't pay for relocation but everything else was cool.  Okay, I guess that I will take it.  The fact that I could see HER played a pretty good role in my decision.  We talked about how SHE felt about romeo and SHE said that SHE wasn't mad at him. HUH?  SHE said that SHE doesn't want him to be HER enemy. HUH? And if he is out of HER life, then he isn't ANYTHING but a horrible memory.  By my recollection, he made HER an enemy by cheating on HER all of those years with all of those whores.  SHE'S not mad???  How can YOU not be mad that someone that YOU pored YOUR heart and soul into, and trusted with YOUR life and well-being, WILLINGLY and REPEATEDLY destroyed YOUR faith and humiliated YOU all for frivolous self gratification?  It was over the course of many years so he absolutely could have cared less about the ramifications and must have thought SHE was an idiot and wouldn't ever find out.  How can YOU not be mad?  Oh I am plenty mad for the both of us.  He's a user and abuser and that's his good qualities.  SHE is actually my friend and to see someone walk all over and disrespect my friend... Now add the fact that SHE is my sexy lover and confidant...FUCK him.  I wouldn't piss on him to put a fire out.  I take that back; I would piss all over him and then relight the flame.  Can we say SHE'S still in denial?  So what if he paid the bills?  He had a LEGAL obligation to pay them.  So what if he bought gifts?  Money will NEVER replace respect, trust, honesty, or love.  So what if he has helped with medical insurance and such?  Again, if he didn't then he could be forced to do so by a court of law.  So what good has he actually done that he wouldn't have been forced to do by law?  I'm starting getting the feeling that SHE has a very addictive personality.  Some of the things SHE told me plus just some of HER actions lead me to believe this.  Like, for instance, social networks on line.  I have a feeling that SHE would and probably have neglected things and possibly overlooked people to constantly stay on line for hours at a time.  I don't know if that's a good thing.  I would think research and planning out HER life would take priority.  Not that YOU can't enjoy down time but if it does prohibit real relationships and life from progressing then, it's an issue.  Anyway, I landed this job and I am supposed to start in several weeks.  I just have to see if my doctor will release me from treatment a little earlier than he had said...

You're An All-star...

     Now one of the big reasons for me being disgruntled about not being as mobile as before was the fact that I love sports.  Ever since the third grade, I have been in love.  It all started with dodgeball and kickball and progressed into football and basketball.  I'm not talking about soccer; real American football.  I have always been quick and confident in every game that I have played.  I have done things that some guys just dream about.  I have hit home runs in games before.  I have caught the winning touchdown numerous times.  I have made the winning shot before.  I have been the last man standing in dodgeball numerous times.  I have struck out numerous players before.  I love sports!  So I have to get back to that high level of strength and endurance.  I understand that it can take years but I got to do it.  I started walking better but I still had a lingering shortness of breath so I had to pace myself.  I began looking for jobs in HER area as well as the west coast.  There are several reasons that I wanted to go out west; some of which I won't get into in this story.  My military experience and training has made it possible for me to be in the running for some high paying jobs.  I am blessed.  There were some opportunities available so I threw my resume at several of them.  I still didn't know exactly when I would be released.  The last time we discussed it, the doctor told me in about two months.  I started feeling the pressure from that as well.  Now when we talked the conversations were a little more lovey dovey.  SHE expressed some of HER feelings for me that we had never talked about and I did the same about HER.  I had never pressured HER before to leave HER husband or anything like that and I didn't feel the need to start now.  I just assumed that now it was the smart, logical, an inevitable thing to happen.  But make no mistake I felt and hoped it would happen soon.  I want HER around and can't imagine how it would feel to be in HER presence on a regular basis.  We still hadn't met though.  We have logged in a lot of video and phone time through the years.  I knew that meeting would just enhance all of this.  But I have to get my health back on the right track and get situated in my new job; wherever and whatever that will be.  This answers the whole can you love someone without meeting them question.  So many similarities we have.  Everything lines up from sexual turn ons to family upbringing to music to even the most basic qualities of life and expectations.  Again we had experienced another trial.  I want to meet HER and hold HER and kiss HER and feel HER from the inside out. 

Back To The Story...

     I was definitely worried about what might have happened to HER.  I didn't receive a text or a phone call so I was kind of left hanging.  Maybe SHE decided not to talk to me again...  Maybe HER asshole husband hurt or killed HER...  I was just waiting for HER to contact me. When finally, I got a text.  SHE told me that SHE was the one that went to jail because SHE had tried to grab romeo's phone and cut his forehead with her ring.  SHE proceeded to tell more of the details about his escapades and sexual affairs.  He had been doing all of this for a long time.  He had even screwed around while he was at work.  I could only imagine how that would feel to know that your spouse was fucking any and everyone that would let them.  How would it feel to go back and think...maybe when he was late picking me up, he was actually fucking a dirty skank?  You could never trust them again so basically it is over!  SHE told me that it all came about when a text came in on his phone from a female.  He confessed to having numerous affairs for X amount of years.  Again I believe that SHE can double the amount of time that he confessed to and still be off by a year or two.  This was worth a lot less than a voluntary confession.  He was forced to come clean due to the circumstances.  SHE was arrested and in jail and had to go to the hospital because of a health related condition.  SHE was unable to contact me for most of that time. WOW!  So I am thinking there is no way possible that SHE will stay with that degenerate.  He has proven time and time again that he doesn't want HER.  SHE always appeared to me as a very strong willed and headstrong woman.  I know SHE won't put up with this blatant disrespect for HER and, everything that SHE believed in HER marriage was all a lie.  What's HER next step going to be?  I told HER that I was sorry and I wish things didn't happen the way they did.  Wait a minute.  Why don't I?  She needed a wake up and get the fuck away from this dude call.  As sorry as I was for the whole jail experience and such, I wasn't sorry that the loser was exposed for the real jerk that he is.  SHE also told me that when the cops showed up, SHE was feeling very bad health-wise and they forced HER to get medical treatment.  SHE said that it got to the point that night that something really awful was going to happen like someone getting hurt.  SHE thanked me for saving HER life.  What could I do? SHE needed me and I wasn't going to let HER die.  I began to realize that no matter how screwed up the situation is, I love that WOMAN.  I hope SHE does the smart thing and leaves him because there is absolutely no positive nor healthy future ahead with him.  We talked some more and there was another shift in our four year relationship.  Wow did I say four years?  I am not a person that carries stress with me but it had been very trying.  I know SHE wants me and jerk off doesn't want HER so it's easy.  And I want HER too.  Finally, I believe SHE will make the right decision and we can finally move forward and explore this relationship.  We can finally enjoy each other the way that we have always wanted.  I never thought of HER as someone that I would get a chance to have a complete relationship with because SHE has been married this whole time.  But now, SHE will be divorced soon.  I love and need HER and all of this made it all clear...

Personal Responsibility...

     As I dove head first into this relationship, I did so knowing a few things to be true.  I feel that YOU, as the better half in a relationship, take on a personal responsibility when YOU decide to be in an intimate relationship.  Intimate is not only sexually but most importantly, emotionally intangled in the others inner thoughts and dreams for the future.  There are no laws or contracts but, if YOU are responsible, respectable and morally sound, YOU know this to be true.  The way some people treat their better half, there should be laws to convict them for breaking someone down to the point of destroying their inner self.  Maybe that would eliminate some of the " I do whatever I want" negative attitudes out there since some people don't have common courtesy and respect.  YOU should know that when YOU take on a personal relationship, that YOU take on personal responsibility.  For instance, let's say that I took my girlfriend out on a date.  We walk towards an attractive woman and as we are passing by, I grab her ass.  Now there's no law against me doing that (to my girlfriend anyway); however, I take on personal responsibility for my girlfriend's feelings and heart when I make her mine.  I know that grabbing that woman will hurt her greatly because her heart is linked to mine.  In other words, doing things that YOU KNOW will hurt that "special" someone, emotionally and definitely physically, is wrong and YOU should take personal responsibility for our actions.  At the highest level of relationships, a marriage, vows have been put in place in the ceremony as a reminder.  I will love and honor you and have nobody else before you.  That's your responsibility.  Now there are different levels of responsibility depending on how much has been vested in the relationship.  An emotional and sexual and spiritual bond should be honored and cherished at all times.  YOU have a responsibility!  Just because YOU say I'm not responsible, doesn't make it true.  In YOUR heart of hearts, if YOU have one, YOU know what's wrong.  A good test is to see how YOU feel when YOUR significant other belittles or ignores what YOU say or wish or just down right disrespects YOU.  Did their actions have a direct effect on YOUR mood and emotions?  Of course they did.  Why do YOU feel that YOU can reap the benefits of a good relationship without contributing anything positive?  A good relationship requires some key ingredients: mutual respect for each other and each others feelings, honesty on both ends at ALL times, not only telling but showing genuine affection, and doing the simple things to keep everything together.  You will never have the same attributes in a different relationship because different people would be involved.  When you capture something special you should cherish and respect it because when it's gone, it's gone!