Renewing That Spark...

     After I got acclimated to my new environment and job, I was kicking around the idea of talking to HER again.  I am not a chase after a woman kind of guy but thoughts of HER did persist.  Maybe...  One of the things that I found out about the Saudis is the fact that the air force sucks!  My job over here was to help train the Royal Saudi Air Force, definitely an inflated name, on how to maintain and repair the F-15C and D model fighter aircraft.  I worked on this aircraft for quite a few years in the U.S. Air Force so it was natural.  Of course they bought it from us and they had the bare bones aircraft.  All of the best weaponry and toys come with the software and components that we possessed in the states and they weren't about to get their hands on that kind of stuff.  They offered trips off of the compound that I stayed on for shopping or whatever.  I went a few times because if you wanted real groceries then you had to go to one of those grocery stores in the city.  There was a store on the compound but it wasn't fully stocked and it didn't have things like produce and such.  Plus going on the shopping bus, you could buy electronics or go to the bank or anything else you needed to do.  My goal was to get another computer because mine was toast.  I guess I will call and see what SHE'S up to these days.  I called HER and there was no answer so I left a message and gave her my new number here.  I didn't get an immediate reply so I carried on with my life.  All I could do is offer a path and extend hand.  At work, the Saudis were friendly, a little too friendly I thought for men.  Nevertheless, the all don't hate us and are not all trying to kill us.  However, there is that element out there too.  Over here, the Saudis life revolve are their Muslim faith.  There are a lot of scheduled prayer times.  It doesn't matter if you are at work or home or running your shop, prayer time is prayer time.  Much so that it is common place for shop owners to lock their doors while customers are in their shops or in the check out line and then go pray.  After praying, they come back and it's business as usual.  So I went to the electronics store and bought a computer.  I heard from HER finally and found out why SHE might have been hesitant or at least afraid to give an update on HER life.  When we finally did talk on the phone, SHE told me that SHE had missed me and I had missed HER.  We said our sorrys and the conversation was awkward at first but soon things were flowing again.  What comes next has been the proverbial thorn in the side of this whole relationship.  It has been my reason for built up frustrations and what lead to a couple of verbal outbursts.  This reasonable, smart, and head-strong WOMAN proceeded to tell me that SHE had taken back HER estranged husband, king dipshit.  What the fuck???  I know we hadn't talked for a couple of months but did I actually travel to a different planet?  I was shocked, stunned, perplexed, turned off, disappointed and a couple of other things.  SHE tells me how things have lost the initial excitement that had only been created cause they weren't living together for a while.  SHE also said that things had regressed back to the non impressive way that SHE didn't like them before. DUH!!! That's why I believe in a clean break in that situation because you will see glimpses of what you had before but it will never be the same in a marriage situation.

  Especially if you had chances to correct things over the years and things change for about a week or month then drift back to reality.  How cool SHE got back with dumb ass.  How is this gonna work and what does SHE want with me?  Why doesn't SHE just drop romeo once and for all and for good????

Hmmmm...

     Is it that hard to find someone that actually loves you back?  I am a very simple man.  I want a woman to love me back and be there for me.  A woman that can accept being loved on and played wih and adored and ...  I don't need or want different women and unorthodox or creepy sex.  I want one woman to be with and raise a family with and share dreams and goals.  I want a lover in every sense of the word.  Make me laugh, make me want you, help me, need me, please me, let me please you, grow with me and all in a POSITIVE way.  Is that so hard?  Please answer this...  Why don't women want to be truly loved and adored and I'm not talking about a fantasy that has been created, I'm talking about reality?  You can't turn a frog into a prince! That is one of the downfalls of DISNEY...

I Love Cute Panties On HER!

     As I was typing, I am looking at panties that I bought HER.  That ass is just so perfect for me and what I want.  I don't think SHE knows the half of it.  They are so cute and I can just imagine what they look like on HER.  I couldn't help it; Victoria Secret's sent me a card.... efers.  Here are a few of them.



Damnit...my cable is screwed! I will post them tomorrow.  Trust me; they are cute.

Saudi Bound...

     No matter how many friends take YOU out, no matter how many places YOU go, no matter how many times YOU get drunk, no matter how many times You cuss, no matter how many times YOU try...  You will never forget and You will never be the same without me.  We stopped talking and I felt like I lost my best friend because I did.  When I told someone what happened in my day or a story that reminds me of something that we shared or talked about, it's not the same unless I tell YOU.  I remember all of the funny little things YOU said and how YOU reacted to certain things that I told YOU.  YOUR cute little facial expressions and that embrace.  I never want to stop kissing YOU. I feel most comforted when I share something emotional with YOU and I feel happier when I can share good news with YOU.  I feel stupid for opening up to YOU when YOU shut me out.  I guess I can't be so cold.  It's not natural for me.  I had to find a job because I didn't want to stay at my sister's place longer than I had to.  I searched the internet and I searched in my hometown.  I decided to look for a job over seas.  There's money in it plus SHE had deserted me so I may as well.  I started getting call backs from different places.  The one I became interested in was a job in Saudi Arabia.  I had never been there in the military so I didn't really know what to expect.  I applied and sent in all supporting documents.  I had to pass a head-to-toe physical in order to get approved for a visa.  I went to the hospital and they checked everything.  It was pretty extensive and I passed with flying colors.  This will become IMPORTANT later so remember it.  Okay so there's nothing standing in my way.  I'm approved and my visa came back so I was just waiting for a date to fly out.  This part is fuzzy too.   I must be losing my memory in my 'old' age.  I think I ended up messaging HER that I was leaving for Saudi soon.  By this time, we hadn't talked for about 2 months.  She was very non-chalant about hearing from me so I thought oh well then so be it.  I had to prepare for my new adventure.  I am used to being by myself so going over there was no shock to the system.  I have always been very independant and resourceful.  I thought about HER but if SHE didn't want to or was too stubborn to talk then there was nothing I could do.  I have always been a romantic and I like doing very sexy and special things for the person that I am with to make it more interesting and to show HER that I love HER and what SHE means to me.  It's all out of love!  Where did that come from?  As I was saying, I flew to Saudi and here we go again.  I'm in another country, I am by myself, and time to make new friends and meet new co-workers.  Why did I think about HER?  SHE excites me so much!  From the way SHE talks when SHE'S sleepy to the way SHE says cute little things to HER abnormal sense of humor ( I can say that because I have one too) to how SHE looks to how I will find out SHE feels...  WOMAN how can YOU not see that I love YOU?  I must admit that when I landed in Saudi it was kind of eerie.  I had another flight to a different city there so this flight was nothing but me and ALL Saudis.  No disrespect to anyone but I like to be honest.  The whole terrorist, plane blows up, crash and burn stuff went through my mind.  I have nothing against any race at all.  But, I must admit that raced through my brain.  Since I am telling you this story, you realize nothing happened.  I landed in my new home; for a year at least, and I was missing HER.  Should I call or write or....?

I Am Blessed...

Here's pictures of the church where I prayed for a speedy and safe return home.  This is where I was when I feel asleep and had no place to go....

Back In The USA...

     I didn't let the whole over seas experience be tainted because of my ordeal with visa issues and the embassy.  It felt good to get back to the states; not only that but to be back in my hometown.  I had been traveling from place to place for the past few years so I didn't have a place of my own there.  However, I did have family that was eager to get me home in one piece and put me up during this adjustment.  One of my older sisters graciously allowed me to stay with her while I was job hunting.  I knew that while living there, I would not be able to talk as much and as openly with HER.  That part sucked and I was hoping that we would be able to manage.  I hadn't been home for about six years so it was exciting to see everyone and reconnect.  As excited as I was, I still had a lot of work to do and my personal relationship wasn't where i wanted it to be.  I never doubted the fact that I would find a job.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn a trade in the military that is very marketable in the 'real world'.  I just didn't knw where I would end up.  The fact that I didn't have roots was starting to wear thin on me.  Plus SHE lived on the other side of the country.  We had begun talking of HER coming out for a visit.  I was looking forward to that and was hoping for the best.  I also was hoping that SHE would go ahead and drop her worst half.  The psychology of an unhealthy relationship will never be understood by a clear and sain mind.  Still we were not expressing the feelings that we were having for each other.  There's no way that I was going to let my guard down now after SHE said SHE was still married.  I was waiting for HER to leave him.  We still talked and had sexy time together through video chatting and the telephone.  It is really really good with HER.  SHE has the natural ability to stimulate my mind and body.  SHE told me that I did the same for HER so it was mutual satisfaction at it's best.  At this point neither one of us mentioned the word LOVE.  We were just seriously starting to talk about meeting in person.  I think the fact that we couldn't talk as much and as in depth started to get to both of us.  I must admit that I wasn't thrilled about it.  SHE had become very important to me and I was falling for HER.  As dangerous as it is to fall for a married woman, I couldn't help it because it was too late.  Besides there's no way, no way that a sensible and strong minded woman like HER would stay with a douche bag...right?  I mean SHE has to know that SHE is worth way more than he will EVER give HER the respect and credit for.  Then, one day we had an argument.  As in most cases, I even forget what the argument was about now.  I think it was more out of frustration and mental exhaustion.  SHE went for my jugular and hurt my pride and feelings.  SHE asked for HER money back.  I was definitely planning to give HER money back and I was gracious for HER generosity.  It was bad timing and the way SHE asked highly offended me so the conversation to a turn for the worse.  I don't think there's anything that me and that WOMAN could do without passion.  You should see us together.  I think we compliment each other physically and emotionally.  It feels good when we are together but I am getting ahead of myself.  We get off the phone with a bunch of F yous and don't talk to me ever agains and that was that.  I felt horrible about it and I felt lonely without HER loving and support.  Family does not take the place of a lover no matter how good they are to you.  But, we stopped talking and I had a job to land.  I wondered if we would ever talk again....

What Do I Call This...

     It has been very interesting listening to different people, men and women, throughout my life thus far.  Some people like to dismiss the importance of cheating as a man's right of passage.  It's perfectly fine for a man to disrespect and hurt a woman, that should have been the most IMPORTANT person in his life.  I disagree.  Then, to piggy back that mistake even further, take the cheater back.  Only to get cheated on again and again.  There's more...  Then, upon doing something drastic themselves, made to feel like the whole thing was their fault.  Even buy into that because, after all, men have a GOD given right to cheat.  A lesson learned in life is that usually when a person confesses to a crime/inappropriate action, they have usually done much worse.  For example, ask yourself...was large sums of money missing or, better yet, missing and unexplained during the time of said misdeeds?  Maybe it wasn't just cheating- bad enough- perhaps prostitutes were involved.  One of the hardest things is the fact that this is an event to which TRUST can never truly be rebuilt.  Taking out the trash or paying the bills or washing the car or buying gifts or going out to dinner cannot and will not make up for such a heinous and deliberate offenses.  Besides, those are the things that were being done when all of the cheating occurred in the first place.  Making love to a woman is not only a physical act, it is an emotional one too.  You are connecting with a person that believes in you and trusts you.  It is so personal.  It could literally mean life or death,  It could mean having a life long commitment - a child.  It should be enjoyed by both parties with each persons satisfaction achieved.  No wait, men have a GOD given right to get what they need and leave their partner hanging.  I'm an advocate of love and a very satisfying and loving relationship that produces great things and great memories.  Not just for the first few years because of not knowing what was really going on but, for lifetime.  Now back to HER...