I Need Approval

     The more that we talked, the more it seemed like a real relationship.  Seemed is the appropriate word.  SHE was, after all, still married.  That is definitely a fact that, to this point, has made things much more difficult than necessary.  I was in no way perfect; however, if you do me right then you have got a friend for life and I will return the generosity.  Then, on top of that, SHE seemed to have a yearning fot outside attention.  Maybe it was due to a lack of self-confidence or maybe it was due to being picked on or teased or whatever.  Something from HER past was definitely lacking.  I began to notice that SHE craved attention.  Which, in itself, isn't really bad.  It all depends on who you need all the attention from that makes the difference.

     I remember when you made plans with someone and you headed out to meet them based on what you guys discused and agreed upon.  If the person or people that you were going to meet were running late or something came up then you would find out after you arrived and were waiting.  I also remember when gas stayed around 90 cents to $1 a gallonbut that's a different story.  In this day and age of the internet, cellular phones, twitter, instagram, and texting, everything and everyone is at your fingertips.  None of these things are bad in any way but people can choose to use them in a mannerthat is detrimental topositive things and the relationships going on in their lives.  So SHE loves attention.  Thathas been an ongoing observation.  It could be harmless or it could show a gravitation towards a negative element.  I will watch and see.  SHE would always post provocative pictures and such and wait for comments or 'likes' from guys.  Naturally that was a little offsetting to me so naturally it caused a few arguments between us to say the least.  I mean it's not like I didn't tell and show HER that SHE was pretty and desirable.  I basically found it in bad taste.  I just couldn't relate because I didn't need that from strangers.  Of coursr hearing from that special someone is a good thing.  I'm attractive and I grew up knowing it but I guess everyone is different; I guess?????  Nevertheless, we continued to talk.  I wish SHE had more respect for HERSELF and the possibility of something between us.  Since the 'incident' that included dumb ass, a gun, the cops, jail time, lawyers, and blood, and no I'm not making this up, SHE still hadn't dropped the bum.  Very disturbing!  Whenever I would bring up him habitually cheating on HER, SHE would say something like is that all like it was insignificant.  DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL.  He would have to do something more drastic to slap HER in the face; I guess.  SHE is just prolonging  the inevitable.  I was coming from a place of true friendship and I also liked HER more than that but we had just started exploring the possibilities...

Do You Question Yourself??*

     When making life altering decisions, it's nice to have input but you are your own person.     I mean...  if you dont belive me, then look at the people throwing out advice.  Have they made wrong decisions???  Were they wrong about someone that you know???  Maybe evenpraised someobe that wasnt worth a shit because they didnt have ALL  of the facts.  Thats why I make my own decisions when it comes to MY life!  Thays not my friends' nor familys' role; they are there to support me....PERIOD!    IM a simple man...  I will do everything in my power to help and support you.  All I ask is to not be disrrspected in any way.  I shouldnt even have to ask but...  Heres a good gauge of whether or not you should do something; would you be mad if your significant other did the same thing?
     Between us there were ups and downs; a lot to do with HER situation; I mean SHEwas living with another man.  You can downplay it all you want but the fact remains.  And it takes trusting solely what the other person tells you.  Would you even believe what you are saying???  You must think what if this was done to me before you act or make a major decosion that will affect your significant other.  Unless, of course, you will die if you dont.
      People find it easy to be selfish and self-absorbeduntil its too late.
     I was giving HER the benefit of the doubt but I had both eyes wide open.  Is SHE telling the truth???  Can SHE handle a relationship with no gimmicks, no other games, and no ther dudes???  Simply meaning will SHE do something that SHE knows that will OBVIOUSLY cause issues???  If there is ABSOLUTELY no other way then of course that understandable... with No OTHER way.  Does SHE want me???  Does SHE respect my wishes or is it a game or just some other unrealistic fantasy that SHE developed through a sutreal marriage???  Hmmmmmm...  I dont know.  Do YOU???

Ho Hum, Drop The Bum...

     More time passed and, by this time, I was getting disenchanted with life changing things that SHE said that SHE was going to do or needed to do, and still made no attempt to accomplish.  It was like a lot of HER thoughts and beliefs, of what would or could possibly happen in the demise of HER destructive marriage, were very unrealistic.  Like...  The fact that SHE was actually believing and telling me that SHE was thinking about being roommates with dumb ass during and after their divorce and live in peace and harmony under the same roof.  I know a bunch of those unrealistic expectations and plans were driven into HER head by HER not so mentally there husband.  After all, he thought that SHE should be cool with him fucking any skank that wanted to just as long as he said he had no feelings for the whore and he said I'm so sorry and will never do it again each time.  Any way, we had been around one another enough to know that it could work if in fact SHE loses the dead weight.  So let's see.  I am being very cautious especially since SHE did take him back after the average woman would have told him to go fuck himself with a broom and get lost.  We continued talking and building on an already solid friendship.
     I had come a long ways by this time, health-wise, and I had no major complaints in life.  I have been fortunate and BLESSED enough to have both a strong will and a strong resolve.  Dumb ass had the type of job where he would be gone from home for several days at a time.  When he was home, SHE would be limited as to when or even how long SHE could talk.  Why???  Because SHE was too scared to make a move.  Partly HER own fault and partly because of the mind games that he played with HER.  He beat it into HER head that SHE is and will be absolutely nothing without him.  I even come to find out that he would come try to crawl into bed with HER when he came home from work.  Sometimes he would sleep on the other side of the bed or in the same room.  But, of course, they hadn't had sex in over a year, SHE said.  Say WHAT?  All of those indicators are definite speed bumps in the path to complete togetherness between HER and I.  Let's just see what happens.  My momma didn't raise no fool!  For now, nothing truly serious can come...

HUH.......?

...  I thought it was bad enough that SHE was still married and living with the dude, and I use that term loosely, but SHE wanted to and continued to add more drama to the mix.  If I am wrong and living wrong, according to my own standards, then why would I do things that I know are going to create chaos and more drama.......?  How do I know you ask?  Because I know who I am talking to and they have done their part by communicating to me numerous times the things that bothered them.  At this point, can I really complain if I know where they are coming from???????  More to come........