Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Im ONLY Human...

     Yes I have heard EVERYTHING that SHE has told me and I understand all of HER ups and downs and setbacks; that being said...  Maybe one of the most difficult situations that could possibly come up in life is the severing or dismantling of a personal relationship or marriage.  I get it.  I have been there and done that.  YOU have to decide for yourself exactly what YOU will allow in a lifetime partner and what exactly YOU need and want in life to be truly happy.  Just surviving or co-existing does in no way, shape, or form land anywhere near HAPPY.  I, for the life of me, can't understand how a person will have standards and expectations of what they want in their life and, when it's time to act, fall short of that and convince themselves that it's okay due to the lack of emergency.  We continued to talk and, in my mind, I continued to question HER goals of completely severing HER marriage.  A blind man could see that SHE wasn't happy.  Any self-respecting person couldn't possibly stand for such emotional and mental abuse from a spouse, under no circumstances.  If the plan that YOU set forth isn't going to produce your desired goals in a reasonable amount of time, then YOU need to change YOUR game plan.  I truly care for HER but I am not an idiot; although, actions sometimes prove otherwise.  Not working at all or working part time hours, especially with slightly above average medical needs, will not allow HER to realistically move out on HER own.  So that tells me that SHE has no plans to do so.  I'm not saying that it has to happen over night but there's no plan to chnge it at all.  I would think that a very NECESSARY divorce is important enough to make drastic changes if that is what is required.  Are YOU any closer to divorce and supporting yourself than YOU were a year ago or even six months ago?  If SHE doesn't understand how the way SHE makes HER moves or doesn't make any moves affects someone that SHE claims is special and that SHE loves, then SHE's not living in reality.  It affects everything from how I might react from not talking X amount of days to not sexing for X amount of days.  Or atleast how all of that affects me.  Actions generally speak louder than words.  I put trust into what SHE said and then look up after six months or a year later and NADA.  What is SHE really doing?  Will stuff like that drift into a relationship in other ways?  Of course it will and has.  Possibly the cause of unnecessary disagreements or disputes, possibly the cause of random hurt feelings or possibly the cause of feeling distant or uninterest.  I have had many, many heart to heart conversations about past and present desires and needs, not to mention experiences, and nothing about HER current marriage lines up with anything that SHE wants.  Now throw in the fact that sexualadvances go seemingly unnoticed or with zero response.  NOT so much as a I HEARD THAT YOU WANT ME AND I WANT YOU TOO I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY BUT WE WILL DO IT SOON.  Or SORRY I WAS TIRED AND I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID & I WANT YOU TOO SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?  Things have gone through my mind over and over.  Sometimes not as frequently as others.  SHE told me that SHE wasn't feeling sexual but there were no attempt to solve the problem.  I would think that if YOU were in a DEAD END relationship or marriage and YOU found someone that became special and loved by YOU...  You would do everything in YOUR power to ease anydoubts about YOUR emotional and sexual interest in them or where those two things were focused.

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