I Need Approval

     The more that we talked, the more it seemed like a real relationship.  Seemed is the appropriate word.  SHE was, after all, still married.  That is definitely a fact that, to this point, has made things much more difficult than necessary.  I was in no way perfect; however, if you do me right then you have got a friend for life and I will return the generosity.  Then, on top of that, SHE seemed to have a yearning fot outside attention.  Maybe it was due to a lack of self-confidence or maybe it was due to being picked on or teased or whatever.  Something from HER past was definitely lacking.  I began to notice that SHE craved attention.  Which, in itself, isn't really bad.  It all depends on who you need all the attention from that makes the difference.

     I remember when you made plans with someone and you headed out to meet them based on what you guys discused and agreed upon.  If the person or people that you were going to meet were running late or something came up then you would find out after you arrived and were waiting.  I also remember when gas stayed around 90 cents to $1 a gallonbut that's a different story.  In this day and age of the internet, cellular phones, twitter, instagram, and texting, everything and everyone is at your fingertips.  None of these things are bad in any way but people can choose to use them in a mannerthat is detrimental topositive things and the relationships going on in their lives.  So SHE loves attention.  Thathas been an ongoing observation.  It could be harmless or it could show a gravitation towards a negative element.  I will watch and see.  SHE would always post provocative pictures and such and wait for comments or 'likes' from guys.  Naturally that was a little offsetting to me so naturally it caused a few arguments between us to say the least.  I mean it's not like I didn't tell and show HER that SHE was pretty and desirable.  I basically found it in bad taste.  I just couldn't relate because I didn't need that from strangers.  Of coursr hearing from that special someone is a good thing.  I'm attractive and I grew up knowing it but I guess everyone is different; I guess?????  Nevertheless, we continued to talk.  I wish SHE had more respect for HERSELF and the possibility of something between us.  Since the 'incident' that included dumb ass, a gun, the cops, jail time, lawyers, and blood, and no I'm not making this up, SHE still hadn't dropped the bum.  Very disturbing!  Whenever I would bring up him habitually cheating on HER, SHE would say something like is that all like it was insignificant.  DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL.  He would have to do something more drastic to slap HER in the face; I guess.  SHE is just prolonging  the inevitable.  I was coming from a place of true friendship and I also liked HER more than that but we had just started exploring the possibilities...

Do You Question Yourself??*

     When making life altering decisions, it's nice to have input but you are your own person.     I mean...  if you dont belive me, then look at the people throwing out advice.  Have they made wrong decisions???  Were they wrong about someone that you know???  Maybe evenpraised someobe that wasnt worth a shit because they didnt have ALL  of the facts.  Thats why I make my own decisions when it comes to MY life!  Thays not my friends' nor familys' role; they are there to support me....PERIOD!    IM a simple man...  I will do everything in my power to help and support you.  All I ask is to not be disrrspected in any way.  I shouldnt even have to ask but...  Heres a good gauge of whether or not you should do something; would you be mad if your significant other did the same thing?
     Between us there were ups and downs; a lot to do with HER situation; I mean SHEwas living with another man.  You can downplay it all you want but the fact remains.  And it takes trusting solely what the other person tells you.  Would you even believe what you are saying???  You must think what if this was done to me before you act or make a major decosion that will affect your significant other.  Unless, of course, you will die if you dont.
      People find it easy to be selfish and self-absorbeduntil its too late.
     I was giving HER the benefit of the doubt but I had both eyes wide open.  Is SHE telling the truth???  Can SHE handle a relationship with no gimmicks, no other games, and no ther dudes???  Simply meaning will SHE do something that SHE knows that will OBVIOUSLY cause issues???  If there is ABSOLUTELY no other way then of course that understandable... with No OTHER way.  Does SHE want me???  Does SHE respect my wishes or is it a game or just some other unrealistic fantasy that SHE developed through a sutreal marriage???  Hmmmmmm...  I dont know.  Do YOU???

Ho Hum, Drop The Bum...

     More time passed and, by this time, I was getting disenchanted with life changing things that SHE said that SHE was going to do or needed to do, and still made no attempt to accomplish.  It was like a lot of HER thoughts and beliefs, of what would or could possibly happen in the demise of HER destructive marriage, were very unrealistic.  Like...  The fact that SHE was actually believing and telling me that SHE was thinking about being roommates with dumb ass during and after their divorce and live in peace and harmony under the same roof.  I know a bunch of those unrealistic expectations and plans were driven into HER head by HER not so mentally there husband.  After all, he thought that SHE should be cool with him fucking any skank that wanted to just as long as he said he had no feelings for the whore and he said I'm so sorry and will never do it again each time.  Any way, we had been around one another enough to know that it could work if in fact SHE loses the dead weight.  So let's see.  I am being very cautious especially since SHE did take him back after the average woman would have told him to go fuck himself with a broom and get lost.  We continued talking and building on an already solid friendship.
     I had come a long ways by this time, health-wise, and I had no major complaints in life.  I have been fortunate and BLESSED enough to have both a strong will and a strong resolve.  Dumb ass had the type of job where he would be gone from home for several days at a time.  When he was home, SHE would be limited as to when or even how long SHE could talk.  Why???  Because SHE was too scared to make a move.  Partly HER own fault and partly because of the mind games that he played with HER.  He beat it into HER head that SHE is and will be absolutely nothing without him.  I even come to find out that he would come try to crawl into bed with HER when he came home from work.  Sometimes he would sleep on the other side of the bed or in the same room.  But, of course, they hadn't had sex in over a year, SHE said.  Say WHAT?  All of those indicators are definite speed bumps in the path to complete togetherness between HER and I.  Let's just see what happens.  My momma didn't raise no fool!  For now, nothing truly serious can come...

HUH.......?

...  I thought it was bad enough that SHE was still married and living with the dude, and I use that term loosely, but SHE wanted to and continued to add more drama to the mix.  If I am wrong and living wrong, according to my own standards, then why would I do things that I know are going to create chaos and more drama.......?  How do I know you ask?  Because I know who I am talking to and they have done their part by communicating to me numerous times the things that bothered them.  At this point, can I really complain if I know where they are coming from???????  More to come........

Act Like You Do Or You Won't Have It...

     It is cool that we have quite a few similarities in our upbringing.  One that I enjoy is our appetite for some of the same basic foods.  I like my meats well-done and, of course, since SHE is with me, SHE likes HER meat well-done too!  Correction, SHE better ONLY like mines!  Ha, just joking; not really but...  I had to buy ALL of my household supplies and appliances and everything.  You should read up and catch up on RickysNewBook.blogspot.com to get the whole scoop on that situation.  So we were definitely working with the basics.  Even chilling on the ole air mattress at the time.  When SHE started hanging out with me, in the flesh, I noticed a physical attribute that somehow escaped me during all of our Skype sessions.  I know SHE had two of the bounciest, softest, and nicest milk jugs around cause SHE can't hide them.  SHE better not hide them around me; however, there is a time and place for everything.  I like playing with HER by giving them some of the most male chauvinistic names.  I will share more names with you later.  When SHE slept with me...

     "Damn! What is that?" I asked.

     "What?  What's wrong?" SHE asked.

     I couldn't hold in my chuckle cause I was so excited.

     "Mmmm, look at that cute little caboose!" I said.

     "Caboose?" SHE asked.

     "Yeah.  I thought YOU always said that YOU didn't have one?  And YOU are wearing those cute panties.  I love that light brown ass!" I explained.

     SHE laughed and so did I but I am dead serious.

     "Why were YOU holding out on me? That is YOUR secret little weapon," I said.

     I knew exactly why SHE didn't realize what SHE had.  Dumb ass never took the time to tell HER or I doubt he even cared.  Who cares?  I have some goodies to play with...

Chez Ricky...

     So...she arrived around the time I had expected HER.  HER flight was on time and I definitely appreciated that more than anyone will ever know.  I had planned for us to possibly cook Thanksgiving dinner together and chill out and enjoy each other's company.  It was also my birthday weekend so I was looking forward to no drama and a very cool relaxation.  After all that I learned that SHE had been through, I didn't expect HER to want more drama and complications.  My feelings were growing for HER naturally since we talked and sexed each other a lot; whether it was phone boning or not.  Hopefully, SHE can get rid of that loser once and for all.  Then, we can find out what the future holds for us.  Until then, we are kinda in limbo.  Now we could rush and not play it smart but where would that get us?  If SHE doesn't drop dumb ass then nothing will ever work between us and that's just speaking realistically.  I have been very patient and more accommodating than you could possibly imagine.  Ever since the blowout about 6 months ago between HER and dumb ass this is an absolute no brainer.  Let's see how fast SHE totally separates  from him and moves on.

     HER plane landed and I was at the airport already; I just had to find my way to the baggage claim area.  We were in contact via cell phones throughout HER trip so that made everything easier.  I parked and rushed to the baggage claim.  I looked to the left, to the right , then back to the left.  SHE had already claimed HER bags and so I walked over to help HER carry them out to my truck.v

     "Hello, how was your flight?" I asked as I gave HER a hug.

     "My flight was okay but I am glad to be off of that plane.  How are you?" SHE asked.

     "I'm good.  Let me get that for you," I said.

     I motioned to HER larger bags and grabbed them up while SHE handled HER carry on.  I was pretty new to the city but we were gonna be cool; that's why GPS is a handy tool.  We were on our way after I found my truck; yes that's right found my truck, gimme a break it's a huge airport.  My place was about a 40 minute ride from there so we passed through a good portion of the city.

     "So what would you like to eat for dinner?" I asked.

     "It doesn't matter to me; something good," SHE replied.

     "Are you gonna cook for me?" SHE asked.

     "Not tonight. I figured we would grab something on the way back home if that's cool?" I explained.

     "That's perfect! I wanna get to your place and get settled in," SHE said.

One and ONLY...

     Even remembering as far back as my childhood, Thanksgiving was a good time.  My MOM and my older sisters always hooked up some great food.  The holiday itself lands on the fourth Thursday in November so the date changes from year to year.  One of the most special things about it, is the fact that Thanksgiving Day lands on my birthday about every six years or so.  Even though we had a big dinner, we would still make the rounds.  We would always visit my Grandmother's house and act a fool with my cousins.  Then, we would go to my Great Aunt's house and cut up there too.  Needless to say, we always had fun and went back home full.  Mmmmm, sweet potato pie! 
     It was the day before HER flight and I was excited.  We had already met so I knew more or less what to expect.  SHE was due to land in the early evening so that was cool.  I'm looking forward to see how SHE acts more and more.  I mean the real HER; not the I'm trying to make a good impression cause I like you HER.  SHE called me as SHE was boarding the plane.

     "Hello, YOU ready for your flight?" I asked.
     "Yesss!  I'm actually walking to the plane right now," SHE replied.
     "Kool!  Well, I hope you have a good and safe flight.  I will be there when YOU land," I reassured HER.
     "You better be.  Thank you and I can't wait to see you.  I will call you before I board my next plane," SHE said.
     "Alright.  See you in a few hours.  Bye!" I said.

     If we are gonna be serious in the future, then SHE is gonna have to totally drop that dumb ass.  Of course I could just have HER around for a piece of ass every now and then but that's not what I'm looking for; never have.  My last relationship was kinda screwy so I really didn't want a repeat.  A few unexpected things popped up like she had a couple of kids that she didn't mention, which wasn't the kicker.  Her head wasn't on too tight and more.  Being around HER should tell me a lot.  We shall see.  I'm open to different things but I need a one man woman.  I know what SHE has told me but ACTIONS mean the world to me...